Scratch and Grunt

What a bad day I had yesterday.  Rhett went and got me some cigarettes but he wouldn’t bring them till I went on lunch break.  He was bored and wanted me to sit n the car with him where I can’t smoke.  Either that or he wanted me to take him out to eat at a place of his choice.  Whenever he picks me up for lunch he asks where I want to go and then he tells me he hates that place and we go where he wants to go with me paying.  When he has money he is fishing and I sit here and starve because he has something to do.  And he is in MY car.  So as I was sitting in the car yesterday I noticed where Harry’s head has been resting against the head rest.  There is a black area where his GREASY head has been.  Also in the back seat are Christmas Tree needles (WHAT) I didn’t even have a Christmas tree and what are they doing in my back seat?  Rhett wouldn’t answer.  Well I finally escaped Rhett and came back to work.  Skip to 6 p.m..  I get home to find a Christmas tree (7 ft. tall ) in my kitchen.  Rhett has picked it up on the side of the road.  It is a pre-lit tree and now it doesn’t work so the owners threw it out.  Rhett suggest that I either wrap more lights around the dead ones or I cut off the dead ones , which are embedded in the tree.  I say “Good luck with that” and he gets offended.  You know Rhett is disabled and can’t do anything but fish.  So then I walk into the Den and see an ugly chair sitting there.  It also has a big grease stain where the head rest.  I asked if he got it from Harry.  He proudly says no and then proceeds to tell me that this chair, like the Christmas tree, has also come off a trash pile.  Just put a towel over the dirty hair grease spot he tells me.  I sit in the chair and almost fall thru.  Nothing a piece of wood can’t fix.  I then ask Rhett if he would like to trade spots.  he now thinks I am spoiled and ungrateful.  But to answer the question – No he would not like to trade spots.  So now the fun begins.  The dogs are having flea problems and allergy problems so they scratching constantly.  Rhett is disabled so he grunts whenever he moves so that no one will forget that he is disabled.  So I am sitting in the den with 3 dogs scratching furiously and Rhett grunting every 3 seconds.  Scratch scratch grunt scratch scratch grunt etc etc.  I went and got a beer.

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Senior Citizens taking advantage….

 Scalett and Rhett have 3 dogs, tiger, lucy and princess.  Tiger was eye dropper fed from 4 weeks old by Rhett during an “unemployment” period.  Rhett adores the dog.  Tiger is now 15 years old, arthritic, demanding, and very loveable.

Tiger is learning how to work the system.  At first boiled rice and dog food was like manna from heaven.  He couldn’t get enough.  Now he won’t eat it.  He likes Pasta.  If it’s not pasta he won’t eat it.  Of course Rhett goes into panic mode.  We end up going to the store and getting Tiger real chicken add a little pasta and he will eat the whole bowl.  So last night he was served pasta and Alpo Beef Strips with Gravy.  He was perched on his royal red pillow in front of the tv and heater and refused to move.  So like a good Mom I bring his food in the living room and put it right beside his pillow.  Not good enough.  I go back to the kitchen and I hear Rhett fawning over Tiger.  “Tiger, please eat for Daddy.”  “Look Mommie made your favorite – pasta.”  I finally had enough and walk into the living room to put a stop to this nonsense. I know Tiger is working it for all he can get.  I walk in and I just stare at them.  Tiger has won – Rhett is on the floor HAND feeding Little Man.  They both look victorious.

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New Sleeping Arrangements

Apparently Princess got in the bed this morning and I didn’t realize it.  Rhett came in bitching about her being in the bed.  I told him “yea, I know how you feel, I’ve been bitching for 3 ½ years for you to keep your fishing stuff out of my car.”  Guess what?  Princess can sleep with me and Lucy every night from now on.  Rhett has graciously offered to sleep on the couch.

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Rhett has been abducted

Sis,

There is some strange man at my house painting.  I know it can’t be Rhett.  I  have been asking him to paint for 15 years.  I think an alien has abducted him and has sent a clone.  He looks like Rhett – but it couldn’t be him.  You know when aliens abduct someone and they send a clone they like them to look as “normal” as possible.  The aliens didn’t do their research this time and have made “Rhett” domesticated.  I hope they let me keep the clone.  Good Luck “real” Rhett.  I hope you like your new planet.

Scarlett

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crazy friends and the dope man

Background:  Scarlett’s former work buddy, Evelyn, is married to Karl.  Karl too is a functional addict.  Evelyn’s nephew is Trent.

Here’s a funny story.  You may have to read it twice because you won’t believe what you’re reading.    Karl  went over to the dope man’s house for obvious reasons.  While he is there with the man, in his garage, Karl notices several of his tools and big red tool chest in the man’s garage.  He looks at them to make sure they are his and finds his marks on the tools.  He never reported any of this to the police because of wife and her Mother.  You know, trying to keep the peace.  So Karl tells they man that these are his and asks him where they came from.  The man says he never should of trusted that “damned Trent” (Trent is the nephew by marriage of Karl).  Should never have believed him when Trent promised they weren’t stolen.  So he lets Karl have his stuff back.  As Karl was leaving the property with his “stuff”  the dope man’s wife notices her husbands “stuff” being toted away so she calls the police.  The police catch up with Karl ready to arrest him and Karl tells them the story and then the dope man has to come up there to clear Karl’s name.  Oh what a tangled web we weave.

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going to a wake with Rhett

Evelyn’s Mom (A former work friend of Scarlett) has her wake tonight.  Rhett knows I have to go to this wake.  When I get home I will tell him that I don’t want to be rushed at the wake.  He will promise me that he will not do that.  When we get to the wake Rhett  will be ok for 7 to 10 minutes.   Then he will start telling me he is sick to his stomach.  He needs to eat.  He knows I have a little money left and he will do everything in his power to get it.  He will start talking to me in low threatening tones until I give in and leave.  I will only get to spend about 15 minutes there.  If I try to leave him at home he will accuse me of wanting to meet up with someone at the wake.  I think I will leave him in the car.  There is no win-win situation here.

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more..life with Rhett and Scarlett

I have learned being with Rhett is like being a Boy Scout – we have the same motto “Be Prepared”.  Before you leave the house you have to ask “Have you eaten”, “Do you have to go to the bathroom?”, I have errands for the next several hours, do you have a problem with that because I will not bring you back to the house”.  When dealing with a problem with my daughter I have to make sure Rhett understands that I am going to her house and if he is going to be in a hurry to get back then he better stay home.  When he mentions again that her stuff in the back bedroom needs to be gone I have to ask him if he has gotten the middle room  cleaned out yet.  I asked him the other night if he wanted the heater or phone on.  His answer “yes”.  “Yes” was not an option.  So I got in bed.  He told me I was being a bitch so he slept on the couch.  That really hurt my feelings.  I got to sleep with Princess and Lucy (the dogs).  When he gets hungry he asks me what I want to eat.  I tell him it is his choice.  I’m not picky like you.  He says I’m not picky.  I say ok let’s get hotdogs.  He says I don’t want hotdogs – I need vegetables.  Why did  you ask in the first place?  Then he gets pissed – we argue – no one eats.  So you gotta be on your toes with Rhett.

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